How Intellectuals Date

I’ve been reading the London Review Of Books for years. It features literary essays with titles like “Neanderthals, Denisovians and Modern Humans“, “On Not Being Sylvia Plath“, and “What’s It Like To Be an Octopus“. So you can imagine it attracts the intellectual-type. What is even better is that it also has a personals section for readers seeking dates. Compared to other means of dating, which rely more on swipes then reading, the quality of writing is much much better. Check these out:

Sartre, Morse Code, Shattered

Lovely woman writer seeks attractive lover (48-68) with soul of Leonard Cohen, mind of Sartre and charisma of Obama. Near offers considered!

Stop making eyes at me and I’ll stop making eyes at you. This packed fish tin of a train simply cannot handle two lust-infused singletons communicating via ocular Morse code. I’ve noticed you reading the LRB and this is the opening gambit to our love game. Male (42) with acute blepharospasm.

Man, 72, beyond redemption, dreams all shattered, nothing left to lose, seeks woman similar age, similar situation, for surprising denouement to wayward plots. 

Wacky raconteuse (73) seeks London based dark horse (M) for conversational and/or other ventures.

Help! Youf. Box of chocolates

Wanted: Amusing, witty, male pen-pal, who would adore handwriting letters to a lady (63) with an aversion to soap operas and languishing in Derbyshire. Currently married to a bibliophobe with an obsession for balls and TV welded to his cranium. ‘I’m not waving. Help! Help!’

Yoof seeks Youfette willing to perambulate the South Bank talking about her favourite book.

If life is like a box of chocolates, I’m the wrapper: clingy, transparent, and willingly stripped and screwed. Lactose intolerant F (24) seeks M 24-33 (no dentists) for sweet encounters.

Troll, 38, seeks Barbarian, 37. Telepathy only please [no contact details left]

Jung, Little Prince, Pescatarian

Ex: Alaskan, Dominatrix, Assistant Sunday School Teacher. Current: Computer Scientist, pescatarian, runners Foster-Wallace enthusiast. Seeking sharp-humoured, well-built creature under 48, w/whom to watch Silence of the Lambs next Valentine’s. F, 30

Women, 45, seeks Jungian-oriented man, 40-55, who is having, or has had, a fruitful analysis.

Trust (film). The Promise (song). The Little Prince (book). #849 (poem). Female (gender). Late 40s (age). Similar lists would gladly be open to discussions. If it does/does not make sense, please write to…

Dogger, GoT, Riddles

Viking, North Utsire, South Utsire, Forties, Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger. These are my favoured pre-bed warm-up words, what are yours? Male, 37, has own boat/dinghy

Eccentric young gentlemen seek pretentious book lover. Ideally London based, with a liking for vegetables, GoT and small children. Preferably 25-32.

Thoughtful, attractive woman, 53, seeks riddle-solving man, 45-55. If you can tell me what links African sunsets, birdsong, swimming in warm seas, lily of the valley & dark chocolate – maybe we should share them.