Losing My Mother; Gaining Your Wisdom

Me as a child and how I feel now.

It’s been almost two weeks since my mother passed away, and I’ve had such an outpouring of support that I can’t thank people enough. It’s helped me understand how at times of pain, there is much love. Many of you have reached out with lovely words and I thought I’d share some of them. They contain much wisdom, which can hopefully help others too.

The Mother

I remember something a dear friend said to me on my mother’s passing in 2008: Now your greatest protector is no longer in the world. I’m not sure why those words have stuck with me more than any others. Maybe because it reveals something about the deep bond between mother and son. … It left me with a sweet and deep feeling, that I was blessed to have known my mother’s love. Not every son is assured of such an unconditional love from a mother. But I suspect you are someone who knows what I mean. 

I lost my father 20 years ago and I then felt I had lost ‘strength’. That’s how I felt his presence in this world: he gave me strength. I always thought that losing a mother is losing ‘love’. Because of the unique and unconditional way a mother loves her child. I wish you long life.

For me, my mother’s passing changed everything. Nothing, even losing my beloved grand-father and grand-ma were remotely like the numbness and huge void I felt. A book a friend gave me while she was ill, I took when I got on the plane for the final good-bye. It helped me and I hope it will support you too. C.S. Lewis “A Grief Observed”

The proverb normally attributed to Dr. Suess, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” helps us to also see multiple angles. Only because the relationship is so special, the pain of losing is there. Yet – like the other side of the same coin – it shows the depth and importance of your mother’s love and presence you received in your life so far. For me, it helped to stay on the perspective of how big of a gift I had for so long. 

There are not enough words to convey my solidarity having also lost a parent. All I can say to you is that we are never old enough to lose them and they are never old enough to leave us.

I’m so very sorry to read of the loss of your mother.  Such beautiful words you have written here.  I truly hope my son has such fond memories of me collecting him from school as you have of your mother.

Auntie was so full of life and so kind to all of us. Her home and heat were always so welcoming to all. Can’t imagine your pain. Prayers and thoughts with you and family my dear brother

Pain and Grief

Grief is something that you live alongside with. It is like walking over jagged rocks. After time it is still painful, but your feet get used to it.

The void you refer to gets smaller but never disappears completely (in my experience with dad) – strangely I am not sure I would want it to. Take care and I Hope great memories play a big part of your years ahead, as I find those memories really keep them with us.

I went through similar this summer, it’s tough, it’s deep but it’s also a very reflective period that’s allowed us as a family to strengthen some of the bonds that loosen when less important things sometimes grab hold of our lives My thoughts are with you, be strong, make mum proud of you(again)

I am sure she is smiling from a better place and showering her blessings on you. Parents are irreplaceable. Time will not make it better, except that you will learn to deal with it better.

It sounds like everything has unfolded so fast and unexpectedly for all involved, including your mum. It is the unfairness and brutality that is so hard to comprehend – and it takes time. It took me four years of thinking through this every day before the pain eased. Sadly, things have to play out to help you. Watch out for signs from your mum. I had some and they allowed me to feel a connection.

Losing a parent is always very hard, and while people say time heals all wounds, the void a parent leaves just doesn’t seem to fill in – I lost my father 4 years ago, and still miss him just the same. What has helped me – is to think of the good he brought into life, and not just mine. I am sure your mother brought happiness and joy in all the lives she touched, and remembering that, as you cherish her memory, will help.

Eternity

As painful as it is now, when you can, celebrate her life as you grieve her passing today. No one knows what happens after you pass on, but if there is an afterlife believe that she is happy and looks down upon you with great affection and devotion as a mother always does.

Cherish her memory. When my father passed away last year, he left behind a wonderful legacy of humanitarianism and compassion. Find a way to keep the candle burning for her. Honour her. Our parents live on in us and in our children. My oldest son is exactly like my dad – winds me up but has a big heart.

She lives on through you and those she loved in her life

Left with memories of a beautiful soul and mother, the feelings can’t be more raw.

Your mother must have been a great influence in your life. She lives on in you. She isn’t gone but is very much around you and the people you most care for. You will find her in the silence. How fortunate you are to have been able to visit with her and see her as she took her last breath. Mothers are special and you will continue to feel her love, regardless.

May you find your peace as you grieve her loss and know it is well in your soul.

When you have time you may want to read a section called “how to send love to those who have passed away”  in the chapter called “where are our departed loved ones”….it is page 290 of the book called Divine Romance by Paramahansa Yogananda. Love from my soul to yours and that of your mom.

Bilal

Sign up to my regular newsletter here:

Facebooktwitterredditlinkedinmail

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.